Hi. My name is Annie and I am a cumpulsive overeater.
OK, so Annie is not really my name. But I figure if OA stands for Overeaters ANONYMOUS, then I don’t have to tell anyone who I really am! Just sharing my struggles will be enough, I hope.
So today I am feeling down. Went to my doctor yesterday to get a tetnus shot (scratched my leg pretty good on a rusty metal clothing rack). While there, I was asked to step on the scale. Oh how I HATE doing that! Hate is a strong word, and one I don’t like to use often. But when it comes to seeing just what I weigh, the word fits. It also fits what I felt as seeing the numbers 446 pop up on the scale–hate.
I hate the number.
I hate the stress I feel carrying all this weight around.
I hate the lack of discipline I have about getting the weight off and being healthy.
I hate that the number embarrassed me so much that I actually sent a text to my best friend and LIED to her about how much weight I have gained this summer. I told her I hade put on 15 pounds since my surgery in June. Before surgery, I weigh 418. So yeah, I am sure you can tell that there is more than just a 15 pound difference there.
This morning, I woke up still feeling bad about that. About the weight and the lie, which, by the way, I have not yet come clean with my friend about. Maybe I’ll send her the link to this blog so she willknow the truth.
Anyway, on top of feeling horrible over the weight thing, I am not feeling like a failure as a parent. My kids are 9, 6, and 3. All the older two want to do is fight with me and beat on each other. I asked them to wash dishes this morning, and plates literally began flying in the kitchen!!! Younger son threw a plate at his big brother. Older son picked up the plate and smacked his little brother with it. I just want to go back to bed, sleep for a few hours, and start the day over!
Since I can’t do that, I want to eat. I keep thinking of the foods in the freezer that I could make for breakfast, and the cash in my wallet I could use to buy a fast food breakfast…. And I know that is not a “solution” to my problems. That is only going to make things worse.