Sharing Step One

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Hi, again.  My name is Annie and I am a compulsive overeater.

My favortie OA meeting to attend is a face-to-face meeting where we are going over a workbook that goes along with the book, “The 12 Steps and 12 Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous”.  One of the first “assignments” with this was to answer four brief questions.  Here is what I had to say about them….

What have I tried besides OA?  Well, I tried Weight Watchers.  I think I joined three times before realizing the program, though it is a good one, was not going to help me.  I probably ate healthier while I was on it, though.  I looked at all of those zero points veggies and pigged out on them.  I was still stuffing myself, but with healthier stuff.  Eventually, though, usually about 2 or 3 weeks after starting WW, I would get to a point where I wanted “forbidden foods”.  I convinced myself that a bite here and a nibble there wouldn’t hurt anything.  Plus, if I didn’t write it down no one could prove I had eaten it.  Of course, the scale sure knew what I had eaten, whether I wrote it down or not!

How have I used foods to escape life’s problems?  HA!!  More like how haven’t I used it.  The first week that I spoke up at an OA meeting, I said, “I am Lynn and I am a compulsive overeater, and it scares me to death to say that.  Saying it means I have to face that I have used food to hide the hurts in my life.  Admitting that means I have to face those hurts.  And facing those hurts just makes me want to eat more!”  I don’t like the taste of alcohol enough to drink away my problems.  Smoking and shooting up just don’t appeal to me.  So when something bad happens, I eat.  Doesn’t really matter what I eat.  So long as it is easy to get my hands on, I will eat it.  Well, unless it is a tomato.  That is one food I don’t think I will ever, ever develop an addiction to!

What eating behaviors or foods give me trouble?  Well, the top “trouble food” for me is ice cream.  I can’t eat just a bowlful.  Probably because I rarely get a bowl involved in the first place.  I usually sit back with the entire cartoon and a spoon.  If the kids are lucky, they get a bit or two.  To be honest, they are not often lucky.  As for behaviors—wow.  Eating alone is a biggie.  Which is really a problem, as I am alone (well, except for a nearly 3 year old) for breakfast and lunch most days.  I am often afraid that I am being watched when I eat with my family.  So when it is just the two of us, I let myself go.  When I am gonna let go, I don’t each breakfast and lunch.  I just eat one meal.  Problem is, that meal starts at breakfast time and ends a little after noon.

Have I returned to compulsive behavior after years in recovery?  HA, again!  I haven’t made it years into recovery.  I am not even sure I have made it days into recovery yet.  One day at a time, one day at a time.

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About madfatlady

I've struggled with my weight for as long as I remember. It has now ballooned to over 400 pounds. I don't like that. At the same time, I don't know what to do about it. I am mad at myself about this weight gain. I am mad at the world for allowing the fod to be so readily available and relatively inexpensive, while diet and exercise programs are so costly.

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