Hi. My name is Annie. I am a compulsive overeater.
Trying to get back to my 12-step workbook. Weight loss surgery is looking more and more likely for me all the time. Still, I know that it won’t solve my problems. It is a tool to help me lose weight, but if I don’t get the bottom of my eating disorder, if I don’t figure out what makes me eat and what foods are the biggest problem for me, I will be wasting my time and the surgeon’s time, not to mention the insurance company’s money! I can tell you one thing: I DO NOT want to go through surgery just to be this big again in a few years.
Today’s question is not a hard one for me to answer: “Have I returned to my former compulsive overeating behavior after years in recovery?” I can honestly answer NO to this one.
I have not returned after years in recovery because I have not enjoyed years in recovery. I have barely enjoyed days in recovery. In fact, I am not at a point yet to think in terms of days.
In my meeting this week, we talked a little about the concept of “one day at a time.” Where I am right now, though, it is more like one minute at a time. In this particular minute, I will not overeat. Then when I conquer this one, I will move on to the next one. And then the next. And then the next.
And before I know it, I will get through an hour without overeating. Once I get through that first hour, I will add another. Only after I get the hang of being in recovery for a series of hours will I think about days in recovery.