Hello. My name is Annie. I am a compulsive overeater.
Have I excelled at my job or just gotten by?
I would have to say that I have just gotten by. I don’t know if that has anything at all to do with my overeating or not.
Inside of me is a fear of success. No matter what I do, I can either fail or succeed. And I don’t really know which is worse. If I fail, I am likely to give up and never try again. If I succeed and reach the top, the only place to go from there is down. Either way, I will fall. So why should I even try?
So instead of facing those fears and working through them, I stuff the fear down with food. That will help me shut up the fears at least for a few minutes. I have “bragged” about publishers showing an interest in my work, but I have not actually taken the step to send a complete book to anyone.
That doesn’t show me excelling at all. I love to write and I am good at it. Maybe not the absolute best, but I am good at it. And I enjoy it. But unless I actually take that step and submit my work to an editor or publisher, I can’t really excel at what I want to do.
But is that really a result of my eating disorder? Or is it just a fear?