My name is Annie and I am a compulsive overeater.
Went to a meeting on Monday night. I really needed that meeting. Can’t say that I had any big “a-ha” moments from our reading, but it was good to be there.
A subpoena for a custody hearing came in the mail yesterday. It wasn’t a surprise. I knew it was coming. I also know that testifying in this hearing—subpoena or no subpoena—is likely to cause problems within my family. Before the meeting, I had to pick up a couple of things at Wal-Mart (not that I wanted to wash any laundry). Hubby called while I was there and asked me to pick up something for him to snack on before bed. Just being in that snack aisle made me think of all the yummy stuff I could eat. I even thought I could get an entire box, eat it myself, and throw out the package so that no one would ever know I’d eaten it. When I left, I grabbed a bottle of water instead of a soda, which was a small victory for me. And then I thought about the fast food place across the street. I knew they had a dollar menu and started to think of how much I could order and scarf down in the 20 minutes before meeting. “Maybe,” I thought with a grin, “I could just pretend to go to a meeting. I’ll sit in the truck and eat, but tell my family that I was at the OA meeting.”
But I didn’t do it! I didn’t buy and snack food and I didn’t buy anything from the dollar menu. I didn’t buy any fast food at all. In fact, I made sure to pull out of the parking lot on the side street that doesn’t go past the fast food place. I was so excited about that!
I was stressed, I wanted to eat. I wanted to use food to forget the subpoena and was even willing to sacrifice long-term recovery to do it. But I didn’t listen to the voices in my head, begging to be fed!
That one little moment made me think that I just might be able to beat this after all!!