A Victory

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My name is Annie and I am a compulsive overeater.

Went to a meeting on Monday night.  I really needed that meeting.  Can’t say that I had any big “a-ha” moments from our reading, but it was good to be there.

A subpoena for a custody hearing came in the mail yesterday.  It wasn’t a surprise.  I knew it was coming.  I also know that testifying in this hearing—subpoena or no subpoena—is likely to cause problems within my family.  Before the meeting, I had to pick up a couple of things at Wal-Mart (not that I wanted to wash any laundry).  Hubby called while I was there and asked me to pick up something for him to snack on before bed.  Just being in that snack aisle made me think of all the yummy stuff I could eat.  I even thought I could get an entire box, eat it myself, and throw out the package so that no one would ever know I’d eaten it.  When I left, I grabbed a bottle of water instead of a soda, which was a small victory for me.  And then I thought about the fast food place across the street.  I knew they had a dollar menu and started to think of how much I could order and scarf down in the 20 minutes before meeting.  “Maybe,” I thought with a grin, “I could just pretend to go to a meeting.  I’ll sit in the truck and eat, but tell my family that I was at the OA meeting.”

But I didn’t do it!  I didn’t buy and snack food and I didn’t buy anything from the dollar menu.  I didn’t buy any fast food at all.  In fact, I made sure to pull out of the parking lot on the side street that doesn’t go past the fast food place.  I was so excited about that!

I was stressed, I wanted to eat.  I wanted to use food to forget the subpoena and was even willing to sacrifice long-term recovery to do it.  But I didn’t listen to the voices in my head, begging to be fed! 

That one little moment made me think that I just might be able to beat this after all!!

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One response »

  1. Congratulations! But what’s helped me in my recovery is realizing I cannot “beat” my eating disorder. If I suddenly decide I’ve beat it, I get too comfortable, I stop going to meetings, and I eventually slip and/or relapse. When I was deep into my eating disorder, it was definitely in the driver’s seat. But now that I’m in recovery, I’m in the driver’s seat, but I know my ED is always there in the back. But as long as I keep an eye on the rearview mirror, I’ll be able to make sure it stays there.

    Congratulations again — and also, thank you SO, SO, SO much for your comment in my pregnancy post. I didn’t know I was going to get such great responses, and I was glad to know you could relate. I thought people were going to call me selfish, so it was nice to know there are people who can sympathize. 😀

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