Garbage Disposals and Cheerleaders

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My name is Annie and I am a compulsive overeater.

And I am not a human garbage disposal.

That is what I read in The Emotional Eater’s Book of Inspiration today. It might sound funny—and I’ll admit that I did giggle when I first read it. But there is a lot of truth in that sentence. And sadly, I can think of a lot of times when I have acted like a human garbage disposal. One of my sons will decide he is full and I will empty his plate for him. I rationalize that even if those few bites go straight to my hips, it’s better than putting the food in the trash. Anything is better than adding something to the trash.

Funny how if it is a vegetable the kids don’t want I have no problem throwing that away. If I throw out the veggie but eat the meat and carbs, it must be something other than not wanting to add to the trash that makes me want to eat it.

This morning, I started my liquid only diet in preparation for surgery. My surgery is scheduled for May 23. For the next two weeks, I get nothing but non-alcoholic, non-carbonated, non-caffeinated beverages, Jell-O, pudding, yogurt, and runny mashed potatoes. Let me tell you, this is not going to be easy! It is worth it, though. My ten-year-old is already teasing me when he eats, making exaggerated noises, telling me what he ate for lunch, and reminding me about the left over birthday goodies in the fridge and freezer. My almost-four-year-old is worry that I am not eating anything and keeps offering to share his meals with me. It’s nice to know that I have at least one compassionate child!

When I posted on Facebook that I was started the liquids only today, I was touched by all of the support and well-wishes I received. One message really surprised me, though. It came from a woman named Jaye who I have known since middle school. Jaye was smart, pretty and popular. In high school, she was a varsity cheerleader (and yes, I used the words “smart” and “cheerleader” to describe the same person!) Today, she sent me a little note of support and said that she understood what it was like to have a weight problem. After high school, her weight climbed up to 250 pounds. She said she was so embarrassed and ashamed of her weight that wouldn’t leave the house. I have to say, Jaye is one of the last people I would ever expect to hear something like that from. I do appreciate, though, that she felt comfortable enough to share that with me.

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About madfatlady

I've struggled with my weight for as long as I remember. It has now ballooned to over 400 pounds. I don't like that. At the same time, I don't know what to do about it. I am mad at myself about this weight gain. I am mad at the world for allowing the fod to be so readily available and relatively inexpensive, while diet and exercise programs are so costly.

One response »

  1. Thank you for all your comments. I know I’ve been missing in action over here, but I’m catching up now!

    I don’t eat what’s left off of my step-sons’ plates, but I do get very angry if they do happen to leave something there. And you’re right. I don’t get angry at the veggies. But I do get mad at the meat and carbs. It’s gotten to the point where I would get mad at my husband for not saving it, because my logic was if they didn’t eat it, they should eat it for lunch the next day. Usually it just ends up in the trash, and that pisses me off. My mindset is, “I could have eaten that if THEY didn’t WASTE it!” Sounds so awful when I actually write it down.

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