Surgical Fears

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My name is Annie and I am a compulsive overeater.

As you know, I’ve been looking into bariatric surgery to help control my weight. Well, I’ve done more than look into it. I’ve scheduled it. On Monday, May 23, I will go to the University of Michigan Hospital for a sleeve gastrectomy. Basically, my surgeon will remove a portion of my stomach, leaving behind a section of stomach that will resemble a shirt sleeve or a banana. It’s a permanent thing, not something that can be reversed later on. I’m not concerned about that. I know this is a drastic step, but I need drastic right about now. The things I’ve been doing aren’t helping. Well, OA is. Following the Program has kept me from gaining. I have high hopes that the surgery and the Program together will cause major changes not only in my appearance but in my life as well.

I’ll be honest, though, and admit to a certain level of fear. I am not worried about the surgery itself. I have a skilled surgeon. He’s performed more surgeries than he can even count, I’m sure, including my best friend’s bariatric surgery four years ago. What I am scared of is that I won’t be able to handle the food restrictions.

Right now, I am not doing so bad with it. I’ve been on a liquid diet for 8 days. Sure, I am hungry and I’ve had moments when the food in the refrigerator seems to scream out “I’m here, eat me, you know you want to!” I’ve been able to ignore it so far, though. Even when my “loving” family ate McDonald’s right here in front of me and when my husband asked me to call and order from our favorite Chinese restaurant, I resisted the cravings. I’ve even lost ten pounds since starting this liquid diet.

Still, I am scared. The cravings are getting stronger and stronger each day. Sometimes, I don’t know how much longer I can ignore them. I’m told that it will be easier in the weeks following surgery—my tummy will still be too tender and I won’t want to eat real food. But I’ve also recently met a woman who had this same surgery a year ago. She is struggling now because her tummy has healed enough and she can have basically any food that she wants. I’m nervous that I will get to that point and not be able to silence the cravings in me.

I know, I know. One day at a time. And that is what I am trying to do. That fear is in the back of my head, but I am trying hard to not dwell on it. Ignoring it doesn’t make it go away, though.

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About madfatlady

I've struggled with my weight for as long as I remember. It has now ballooned to over 400 pounds. I don't like that. At the same time, I don't know what to do about it. I am mad at myself about this weight gain. I am mad at the world for allowing the fod to be so readily available and relatively inexpensive, while diet and exercise programs are so costly.

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