Willingness

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Hi. I am Annie and I am a compulsive overeater.

I am also a terrible procrastinator. If you have followed this blog at all, you have probably figured that out. Of course, I have a feeling that most of my followers are no longer following. It has been a while since I’ve updated. Looks like the last update was one month after my gastric sleeve, and that was May 23, 2011. Nearly a year since I have updated. I could tell you why, but honestly no matter what I say will sound like a load of excuses. It’s been an interesting year, to say the least, and my compulsive eating recovery hasn’t been at the forefront of my mind for a while. Thanks to my surgery, I’ve lost nearly 115 pounds. Clothes that I couldn’t fit into last spring are falling off me now. While I am happy with that and happy with the way my body is recovering from all the junk I have put into it over the years, I am not at all happy with the state of my mind. Illness and injury have kept me from regularly attending local OA meetings. It seems that the more meetings I miss, the louder the voices in my head, telling me to eat, get. I want to make those voice SHUT UP already. So I am making it a point to go back to my meetings. Trying very hard to not make excuses to stay home. I figure if I am looking for an excuse to stay home, then I probably REALLY need to be at the meeting.

In meeting Monday night, we talked about Step Ten. The group that meets that night is still working through The Twelve-Step Workbook of Overeaters Anonymous. One of the questions we discussed was “How willing am I to do a written daily inventory and occasionally share it with another OA member?” I said that I am willing to do that. I even mentioned this blog and said that it shows my willingness—not only am I sharing my recovery with other OA members, I have it out there in cyberspace for the entire world to read. How much more willing can one be than that?

Only the lapse between posts brings that willingness into question. If I am really and truly willing, shouldn’t I be updating a little more often? The question does say “occasionally share.” I don’t think, however, that it means once a year. Occasionally probably means something different to everyone. To me and my recovery, I think it means once a week.

So that is the goal I am setting—to update this blog at least once a week. It has only taken me about 20 minutes to write this post. That is 20 minutes that my fingers have been dancing across the keyboard instead of popping food into my mouth. Small step, perhaps, but it is a step in the right direction.

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