Hi. My name is Annie and I am a compulsive overeater.
I’d like to show you a couple of pictures today. As you may remember (and as it has been oh so long since I have written anything here, I fully understand if you don’t remember), I had weight loss surgery on May 23, 2011. My weight before surgery was 455 pounds. The expectation was that I would lose 60% of my excess body weight, or a total of 253 pounds, in the first year after surgery. Of course, we didn’t expect that I would have a herniated disc in need of repair during that first year. Yeah, that has hampered my weight loss. It is a part of the reason that I haven’t kept up this blog as I intended. To say I have battled depression issues since the problems with my back developed would be an understatement. But the back and depression are only a part of why I haven’t kept up with this blog.
The other part is my laziness. That is one of those character defects that I have to face when I work on Step Four—and in all honesty, is one of the reasons that I have avoided that Step.
Anyway…. I wanted to share with you a picture of me before my surgery. As you can see, I look like a whale. I even wore black that day, knowing that I was going to have my picture taken. Black is supposed to be slimming, right? Well, if this outfit made me look any slimmer, I would honestly HATE to see what I looked like in a color that wasn’t black.
I went yesterday for my one year checkup. It’s been more than a year, I know, but the back issues messed up my schedule a bit. When I stepped on the scale and say my weight at 359 pounds, I wanted to cry. I was so mad at myself!! That weight is actually 9 pounds heavier than I was at my 6 month postop checkup. I swore going into this that it wouldn’t matter how much or how little weight I lost, once the weight was gone it was not going to come back. And I had allowed 9 pounds to sneak back onto my frame. Now, that I didn’t lose more, that I have no problem “blaming” on the back issues. It’s kind of hard to exercise with the balance issues I’ve been dealing with. But regaining 9 pounds? I can’t blame that on anything other than the bad choices that I have made. I’ve not been paying close attention to my food choices. The number on the scale showed it. I left the office feeling really down on myself. Sure, the dietitian had given me a diet to follow for a few weeks, something to help kick start my metabolism and help me get back into losing. She also gave me some exercise ideas that will help and shouldn’t hurt my back much. But all I had in my head right then was that number. I was mad at myself about the whole thing and felt like a failure because I hadn’t done more.
Just before I settled in to watch the Olympic Opening Ceremony last night (hey, just because I don’t like to compete in any sport, doesn’t mean I don’t like watching the world celebrate sport!), I opened an email from the dietitian. She had taken my picture again and had sent me copies. My jaw about hit the floor when I looked at them!
Can you see the differences? I actually have a SHAPE now, a shape that is not just blob-shaped. Sure, I still have a ways to go to get where I want to be, but now I can actually see the difference. I can see that I am losing weight. No, I don’t feel wonderful about it, but I feel much better than I did when all I knew was the number.
Now to get myself back on track and really working to get the weight off.