Tag Archives: fat

Bridges

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My name is Annie.  I am a compulsive overeater.

Big change in my life this week—the kids started back to school.  I must admit, I am much more excited about it than I am.  Don’t get me wrong—I love being with my sons.  I just think it was time for them to be in separate places.  They were starting to fight way too much.  They are in second and fourth grade this year.  The way they carry on while getting ready for school you’d think I was sending them off on a prison bus each morning!  My youngest is three, which means this is the last year he will be home with me all day.  Preschool starts for him next fall.  That is kind of hard to wrap my brain around.  I am a stay at home mom with only one year left of staying home with my babies….

Yesterday, Little Man and I needed to do some work at our church.  OK, so I had to do the work and he just had to tag along!  Still, we had to go over there.  On the way, he asked if we could stop at McDonald’s.  I agreed, since I had not yet had my breakfast, and a hot hazelnut latte sound very good on a chilly fall morning.  There is a large local park between the restaurant and the church.  My BFF Betsey and I have walked the 1.3 mile walking track there in the past.  She walks it quite regularly.  I walk it when I feel like getting out of bed early enough to meet her.  As we drove past it yesterday, I told Little Man that I just might need to put his stroller in the car so we can stop and walk there every morning, with or without Betsey.  He asked why, and I said because I need to walk more to get healthy.  Little Man said I can’t do that.  “She be mad if you go alone, Mommy,” he said. 

As sweet as it is for my guy to worry about Betsey’s feelings, I know that she won’t mind if I walk without her.  In fact, she would probably be proud of me for taking the initiative and exercising on my own.

Even if—for some odd reason—Betsey did get upset that I was going alone, I can’t let her feelings interfere with what I know I need to do.  I need to get into better shape.  Blob-shaped just isn’t cutting it.  Besides, there is this goal that I have set for myself, and I realized I have only one year to accomplish it. 

A couple of years ago, I decided that I need to walk across the Mackinac Bridge, a five-mile suspension bridge that connects the two peninsulas of Michigan.  For some reason, I said I would do it the year that I turn 35.  I will be 35 in February.  (Is that really possible?  Thirty-five already??)  There is only one day each year when people are allowed to walk across the bridge—Labor Day.  That means I have just a few days short of a year to be able to walk 5 miles without stopping.

I don’t like heights.  I don’t like water.  Yeah, walking this bridge might not be the smartest decision that I ever made!  A woman I know once told me a goal doesn’t make sense if it doesn’t’ hurt at least a little.  So….

I’ve told Betsey that I fully expect to get to Mackinaw City and chicken out.  Something tells me that looking at the bridge will fill me with such fright that I won’t be able to even take the first step.  But I want to be able to walk it.  Even if I am too scared to actually step foot on the bridge, I want to know that I can handle walking five miles without a break.

And that is not something I can do right now.

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Machines

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My name is Annie and I am a compulsive overeater.

Caught my first cold of the season.  Don’t know why I always seem to catch them early in the season like this.  I mean, the kids aren’t even back in school yet.  It’s only the first of September for crying out loud!!!  Can’t my body wait to grab onto these germs until at least October?

This cold is already trying to move down into my chest.  It was so bad Monday that I was struggling to breath.  I called my doctor, but he had no appointments available until near the end of the week.  His staff suggested that I go to the ER for a chest x-ray.  When my husband came home from work, we took the kids to a sitter and headed off.

One of the questions I was asked in triage, after describing all of my symptoms, was my weight.  I told her that last I knew, it was 445.  Oh how I hate saying that number!  The nurse was kind and typed it into her computer.  She didn’t say anything, but I watched as she typed.  A warning message popped up on her screen: “This weight seems high for this patient.  Please check that it was entered correctly.”

Just great.  Now I have a machine telling me I am too fat.

Temporary “Fix”

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My name is Annie, and I am compulsive overeater.
I found something that has helped me to control my eating. It’s a temporary fix, but for now it is working.
My wisdom teeth were pulled yesterday.
I had a nice breakfast, but after that it was liquids and soft foods all day long. And today, though I am technically allowed to eat solid food again, the pain in my mouth is so intense that I can’t eat much at all. It just hurts to chew.
And I am a little bummed today. I missed my OA meeting last night. It just completely slipped my mind until about half an hour after the meeting ended.

Quick Hello!

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Hi. My name is Annie and I am a cumpulsive overeater.

OK, so Annie is not really my name. But I figure if OA stands for Overeaters ANONYMOUS, then I don’t have to tell anyone who I really am! Just sharing my struggles will be enough, I hope.

So today I am feeling down. Went to my doctor yesterday to get a tetnus shot (scratched my leg pretty good on a rusty metal clothing rack). While there, I was asked to step on the scale. Oh how I HATE doing that! Hate is a strong word, and one I don’t like to use often. But when it comes to seeing just what I weigh, the word fits. It also fits what I felt as seeing the numbers 446 pop up on the scale–hate.

I hate the number.

I hate the stress I feel carrying all this weight around.

I hate the lack of discipline I have about getting the weight off and being healthy.

I hate that the number embarrassed me so much that I actually sent a text to my best friend and LIED to her about how much weight I have gained this summer. I told her I hade put on 15 pounds since my surgery in June. Before surgery, I weigh 418. So yeah, I am sure you can tell that there is more than just a 15 pound difference there.

This morning, I woke up still feeling bad about that. About the weight and the lie, which, by the way, I have not yet come clean with my friend about. Maybe I’ll send her the link to this blog so she willknow the truth.

Anyway, on top of feeling horrible over the weight thing, I am not feeling like a failure as a parent. My kids are 9, 6, and 3. All the older two want to do is fight with me and beat on each other. I asked them to wash dishes this morning, and plates literally began flying in the kitchen!!! Younger son threw a plate at his big brother. Older son picked up the plate and smacked his little brother with it. I just want to go back to bed, sleep for a few hours, and start the day over!

Since I can’t do that, I want to eat. I keep thinking of the foods in the freezer that I could make for breakfast, and the cash in my wallet I could use to buy a fast food breakfast…. And I know that is not a “solution” to my problems. That is only going to make things worse.